MY VIEW ON SUICIDE BY BRIAN LUKE LEEMAN

This probably one of most sensitive and controversial topic's I have blogged about , so i am warning you this blog post is going to be dark at times and might offend you.

We need to change the culture of this topic and make it OK to speak about mental health and suicide.-

Luke Richardson

Lately i have been thinking about this topic as i have lately been watching Robin Williams videos on youtube. So I thought i would share my thought's and experiences with suicide.  

Since I was eight years old I have dealt with severe deep depression  and it can pretty bad at times .
With dealing with severe deep depression , i have had thoughts of  committing suicide and i have attempted to commit suicide twice  .

 Now you might be asking yourself  why I or anybody want to die so badly ?

Well the first time i attempted to commit suicide was 9 .
What about to tell you is hard for me to talk about but i feel is necessary to talk about .

At age 5 I was molested by a family member for a year ,  So at 9 i started to have nightmares of being molested at age five .  So i started picking my scabs and cutting myself hoping i would die . I ended up in a psych ward for kids.  It helped for a awhile but didn't last long .
I didn't stop cutting myself until march 9th of this year.

The 2nd time I tried committing suicide was in   January of 2010 .
At this time i was six months sober and was having a hard time coping with the changes in my life .
I felt like I was drowning in my own sadness .  I also was having hard time sleeping and so my mom gave some sleeping medication to help me sleep. ( in no way does my mom have any responsibility for this 2nd attempt on suicide  )
So feeling like there was no point of livening anymore , I swallowed half the bottle .
I didn't die , an again i went to a psych ward again.  This time i knew i wanted to live because   i had people who loved me , God had a plan for my life, and suicide was not the answer .


We need to discuss suicide and stop shying away from this issue .
People you probably know have or are dealing with this issue , I ask you to reach out to the people if know they are dealing with this issue .

I hope have open the door for this topic to be further talked about .

WHAT IS SUCCESS? BY BRIAN LUKE LEEMAN

Lately i have been struggling with the question : I'm I, Brian Leeman,  a success?

For those who don't know , i am currently living a men's shelter , not by choice ,  just got screw over by some family members .

I have been there eight months and i  am stuck.

I have done everything i can to get out on my own and i have failed epically at it .

I have reached out to a social services program that has  a job program and it been over a month, nothing has happen .

I have called them  and they will get back to me , yeah right !

I am tired of putting myself out there asking for help and not getting the help i desperately need .

I just want to be independent  and  have my freedom.

In the shelter i have to deal with worrying if my stuff will be stolen , i can't keep food there more then a day because someone will steal it , and drunk people.

I have had recently had my stuff vomited on , luckily it was salvageable.

So people close tell me not to give up but how can you say that when you don't have to deal with the shit i deal with.

Don't get me wrong , i appreciate your support and love .

People say you are only 26 and  you have many years  ahead , but i don't want to wait anymore , am i sick of waiting !

i have been six years sober and i have to tell you , i could really use a drink.

I know cant because i have too hard to stay sober and i would let a lot of people down , but i still , i deserve a drink with the shit i have to do deal theses past 8 to 10 months .

I know life is not always fair but when i do i get a breakthrough ?

Well to answer the question is Brian leeman a success ? right now i personally can't say i am success .

So i hope you can read this with open mind and heart , an also try to see through my eyes of what i am struggling with.

Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure.

William Saroyan 

UNITY IS A MUST ! BY BRIAN LUKE LEEMAN

So for the past few weeks i have had the word unity on my mind .
I have been born again for almost six years , an i have noticed that there is  no unity in the church.
I give God thanks that i have found a Church recently that understands unity .
There so many disagreements in the Church That we have strayed from what God has called us to do: LOVE EACH OTHER AND REACH THE LOST !!!!!

1 Corinthians 12:12-14New International Version (NIV)

Unity and Diversity in the Body

12 Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For we were all baptized by[a] one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. 14 Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.  


I feel if we can let go of stupid stuff we are argue about and come together , we can reach more people who need Jesus.
Here are in my opinion , are  stuff we argue about that doesn't matter.

1.  Clothes /dress code 

This issue has plagued the church for years, an i am so over it !
 This disagreement  on what us as Christians what clothes we should wear has cause unnecessary division !  
Do i believe that are certain type of clothing  Christian men and women should not wear ? yes but it should not  matter if you are a Christian or not when it comes to Clothes ! Final Thought : We need to put this issue to bed !

2.  Music !

Music is another disagreement that has plagued the church. 
 More so lately with worship ,  Why does it matter if the worship team is the latest Worship song from Bethel  or a wo.rship song from the 1950's ?  I don't get why we can't have healthy balance of  both generation's .   The other disagreement us Christians havw when it comes to music , is listening to non Christian music.  Right now i am listening Shinedown's  cover of  lynyrd skynyrd's Simple man , to some Christian's this would be wrong of me to listen to because its not Christian.  Now i am not Judgeing people Who chose to listen to just Christian music, i just think its stupid on how this issue has caused division's between Christians.  Final thought : What Music we listen to , should between God that person ,  The Church has no right to try to condemn people who don't just listen to Christian music . an those who do listen to non Christian music should not make other Christian's feel like crap because they only listen to.


There are so many other issues that are causing unnecessary division in the church but i just wanted provide a couple examples to show if we let go of theses disagreements, we as a Church could be united and be what are called to be.

Theses are just are my thoughts , i hope have stirred up some convos with this post.


"To a true child of God, the invisible bond that unites all believers to Christ is far more tender, and lasting, and precious; and, as we come to recognize and realize that we are all dwelling in one sphere of life in Him, we learn to look on every believer as our brother, in a sense that is infinitely higher than all human relationships. This is the one and only way to bring disciples permanently together. All other plans for promoting the unity of the Church have failed." 

- A.T. Pierson