MY DAY AT THE BEACH BY BRIAN LUKE LEEMAN

This past Saturday was July Fourth and I had a great Fourth Of  July!
 

My Girlfriend , her Mom ,  her Sister , and me went to Hampton Beach for the fourth ,  GOOD TIMES YA'LL !!!!!!!!!

We  left at 5:20 that July 4TH Morning  ( Hopefully i wasn't too much of a mr .grumpy pants , not a morning person lol  )  , the car was packed and we hit the road .

As we were driving to Hampton Beach , I felt a peace come over me , i knew i was going to enter a much needed time of rest .

We got there at 7 am , The view i came upon was just beautiful, God is a Beautiful Artist.

We got our chairs , blankets , umbrella's , and cooler all sent up for the day .

I went to go change into my swimwear and then went back down to the beach to meet back with everyone.

My girlfriend's sister wanted to go see the  artistic Sandcastles that people  made , so we walked to the boardwalk to check them out .
These Sandcastles were amazing !  My favorite was  the sand castle was the one that looked like someone was diving into the water .

After checking out the sandcastles , My Girlfriend and Me went for a walk on the shore of the beach .

Walking hand and hand with my Love, i felt like  I was in a dream , a dream did want to end .
  We were joking around as we walking along the shore , right then and there i knew I had my soul mate.
Her smile that day made my heart melt , i love her smile .

We headed back to our beach chairs  and ate some snacks .

Then My girlfriends sister , my girlfriend, and i went to window shop at the shops .

Then we got some food from the boardwalk  , i had some awesome garlic fires!

Then we went in to the ocean and boy , was it cold but refreshing !

We got food again , i had fried dough , not the best fried dough i have had .

Then we packed up the car and headed to a seafood place for dinner .
My stomach can't handle seafood , so i had chicken fingers and fries , it was pretty good.

We got back into the car and i fell asleep , which is weird cause i don't usually can't fall in a car.

We ended the with some ice cream , the best way to end a great day.

This day was one of the best days i have had in awhile , i wish it didn't have to end .


"There's nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it's sent away."
Sarah Kay
 

MY VIEW ON SUICIDE BY BRIAN LUKE LEEMAN

This probably one of most sensitive and controversial topic's I have blogged about , so i am warning you this blog post is going to be dark at times and might offend you.

We need to change the culture of this topic and make it OK to speak about mental health and suicide.-

Luke Richardson

Lately i have been thinking about this topic as i have lately been watching Robin Williams videos on youtube. So I thought i would share my thought's and experiences with suicide.  

Since I was eight years old I have dealt with severe deep depression  and it can pretty bad at times .
With dealing with severe deep depression , i have had thoughts of  committing suicide and i have attempted to commit suicide twice  .

 Now you might be asking yourself  why I or anybody want to die so badly ?

Well the first time i attempted to commit suicide was 9 .
What about to tell you is hard for me to talk about but i feel is necessary to talk about .

At age 5 I was molested by a family member for a year ,  So at 9 i started to have nightmares of being molested at age five .  So i started picking my scabs and cutting myself hoping i would die . I ended up in a psych ward for kids.  It helped for a awhile but didn't last long .
I didn't stop cutting myself until march 9th of this year.

The 2nd time I tried committing suicide was in   January of 2010 .
At this time i was six months sober and was having a hard time coping with the changes in my life .
I felt like I was drowning in my own sadness .  I also was having hard time sleeping and so my mom gave some sleeping medication to help me sleep. ( in no way does my mom have any responsibility for this 2nd attempt on suicide  )
So feeling like there was no point of livening anymore , I swallowed half the bottle .
I didn't die , an again i went to a psych ward again.  This time i knew i wanted to live because   i had people who loved me , God had a plan for my life, and suicide was not the answer .


We need to discuss suicide and stop shying away from this issue .
People you probably know have or are dealing with this issue , I ask you to reach out to the people if know they are dealing with this issue .

I hope have open the door for this topic to be further talked about .

WHAT IS SUCCESS? BY BRIAN LUKE LEEMAN

Lately i have been struggling with the question : I'm I, Brian Leeman,  a success?

For those who don't know , i am currently living a men's shelter , not by choice ,  just got screw over by some family members .

I have been there eight months and i  am stuck.

I have done everything i can to get out on my own and i have failed epically at it .

I have reached out to a social services program that has  a job program and it been over a month, nothing has happen .

I have called them  and they will get back to me , yeah right !

I am tired of putting myself out there asking for help and not getting the help i desperately need .

I just want to be independent  and  have my freedom.

In the shelter i have to deal with worrying if my stuff will be stolen , i can't keep food there more then a day because someone will steal it , and drunk people.

I have had recently had my stuff vomited on , luckily it was salvageable.

So people close tell me not to give up but how can you say that when you don't have to deal with the shit i deal with.

Don't get me wrong , i appreciate your support and love .

People say you are only 26 and  you have many years  ahead , but i don't want to wait anymore , am i sick of waiting !

i have been six years sober and i have to tell you , i could really use a drink.

I know cant because i have too hard to stay sober and i would let a lot of people down , but i still , i deserve a drink with the shit i have to do deal theses past 8 to 10 months .

I know life is not always fair but when i do i get a breakthrough ?

Well to answer the question is Brian leeman a success ? right now i personally can't say i am success .

So i hope you can read this with open mind and heart , an also try to see through my eyes of what i am struggling with.

Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure.

William Saroyan 

UNITY IS A MUST ! BY BRIAN LUKE LEEMAN

So for the past few weeks i have had the word unity on my mind .
I have been born again for almost six years , an i have noticed that there is  no unity in the church.
I give God thanks that i have found a Church recently that understands unity .
There so many disagreements in the Church That we have strayed from what God has called us to do: LOVE EACH OTHER AND REACH THE LOST !!!!!

1 Corinthians 12:12-14New International Version (NIV)

Unity and Diversity in the Body

12 Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For we were all baptized by[a] one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. 14 Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.  


I feel if we can let go of stupid stuff we are argue about and come together , we can reach more people who need Jesus.
Here are in my opinion , are  stuff we argue about that doesn't matter.

1.  Clothes /dress code 

This issue has plagued the church for years, an i am so over it !
 This disagreement  on what us as Christians what clothes we should wear has cause unnecessary division !  
Do i believe that are certain type of clothing  Christian men and women should not wear ? yes but it should not  matter if you are a Christian or not when it comes to Clothes ! Final Thought : We need to put this issue to bed !

2.  Music !

Music is another disagreement that has plagued the church. 
 More so lately with worship ,  Why does it matter if the worship team is the latest Worship song from Bethel  or a wo.rship song from the 1950's ?  I don't get why we can't have healthy balance of  both generation's .   The other disagreement us Christians havw when it comes to music , is listening to non Christian music.  Right now i am listening Shinedown's  cover of  lynyrd skynyrd's Simple man , to some Christian's this would be wrong of me to listen to because its not Christian.  Now i am not Judgeing people Who chose to listen to just Christian music, i just think its stupid on how this issue has caused division's between Christians.  Final thought : What Music we listen to , should between God that person ,  The Church has no right to try to condemn people who don't just listen to Christian music . an those who do listen to non Christian music should not make other Christian's feel like crap because they only listen to.


There are so many other issues that are causing unnecessary division in the church but i just wanted provide a couple examples to show if we let go of theses disagreements, we as a Church could be united and be what are called to be.

Theses are just are my thoughts , i hope have stirred up some convos with this post.


"To a true child of God, the invisible bond that unites all believers to Christ is far more tender, and lasting, and precious; and, as we come to recognize and realize that we are all dwelling in one sphere of life in Him, we learn to look on every believer as our brother, in a sense that is infinitely higher than all human relationships. This is the one and only way to bring disciples permanently together. All other plans for promoting the unity of the Church have failed." 

- A.T. Pierson

The Boy That Just Wanted To Be Heard By Brian Luke Leeman

Here is the tale of a Boy who feels his voice never been heard or acknowledged .



There is a boy called  Shortstop  who live in a small town in Maine , who just wants to be heard .

Shortstop is quiet 10 year old  fifth grader who lives with his mom , dad , and his two younger twin sisters.

Shortstops sister's take up much of his mom and dad's time because they are autistic , so Shortstop sometimes felt like he was ignored at times because his sisters needed more of his mom and dad's attention.

      The kids at Shortstop's school pick on him because he is a slow learner and stutters his words.

 One day  Shortstop comes home from school and see's a note on a the dinner table .

It's form his mom and the note says : " Hunny , your Dad  , your sisters , an I are going to be late coming home form your sisters doctors appointments .  Grab yourself a snack and do your homework, love ,mom.

Shortstop thinks to himself , " Great, i just had a really bad day and i could use one of my moms big hugs. But my sisters have to all her attention, spoiled brats!!! " .

Shortstop goes to his rom and starts on his home work , his homework is to write short essay on how he see's himself.

This is what he wrote :


" How do i see me ?  that is pretty easy to answer .

I see myself as nerd who nobody notices at all .

I see my self as a  fatty who run as fast the other kids.

I see myself as a dummy who sucks at math and all my other classes.

Finally i see myself as  someone who's voice will never be heard and presence will never be acknowledged. "


Shortstop's hears his family coming home , he runs downstairs hoping that his   family will put a smile on his face.

Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable.

- David Augsburger

DEAR MOM

DEAR MOM,

Mom,I wanted to dedicate this blog post to you.

Mothers day is coming up , i wanted to do something that money can't bye and show how much i love you.

so i am writing you this letter to express my love and thankfulness for you.

Mom, when i ever needed someone to cry on , talk to , or just have a laugh with somebody, you have been with me.

Even with all the bull crap i put you through , you never stopped being there for me.

Your relationship with Jesus has encouraged me.

Your relationship with Dad has taught me how to treat and love Lydia  they she deserves to be treated .

  Your servant heart has taught to take joy in serving others.

You have taught me to best foot forward even when i feel like giving up .

The way you have been there for Dad having dementia , has amazed me and i thank you for your dedication to Dad .

You have taught me even when treat me badly , love them back.

In closing, there is no way i could pa you back for you have done for you but i hope this letter shows how much i love you mom.  

Love your son.

Brian Luke Leeman

PS. Here is quote and a song that shows how much i love you :

 Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever. - Unknown

     

BEING VULNERABLE BY BRIAN LUKE LEEMAN

The strongest love is the love that can demonstrate its fragility.

Paulo Coelho
Eleven Minutes


We all need somebody to talk to. It would be good if we talked. . . not just pitter-patter, but real talk.  We shouldn't be so afraid, because most people really like this contact; that you show you are vulnerable makes them free to be vulnerable.

Liv Ullman


Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our
lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly
as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences
that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to
explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.

Brené Brown

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines Vulnerable  as : 

1

:  capable of being physically or emotionally wounded

2

:  open to attack or damage :  assailable <vulnerable to criticism>  

Being vulnerable to the people we are most close and those we are not can be  straight up scary .

On Facebook yesterday I decided i needed to be vulnerable and clear some stuff up, so i posted what was going on with me .

I have been vulnerable on FB and have Got back negative feedback,  but  guess what ?

I got plenty of positive feedback !!!!

Now it could have went south and  got the crap criticized out of me.

With being vulnerable or showing vulnerability it can be 50/50 , you never what response you will get.

But you know what ?  it is okay if we don't get the response we want when are being vulnerable .

An ask why it s okay ? because  we will never know  who to trust or not trust .

Will it hurt ? yes! but thats life , you can't shut the world out all the time , No growth comes out of it .

I also believe that when you are being vulnerable that you should not be seeking a response all the time , it is healthy to vent sometimes.

I now more then ever believe that  we need to be real with ourselves and create a community of being vulnerable with each other  within a safe environment.

In closing,  Being   Vulnerable  can be scary but it can be also be very healing .