MY DAY AT THE BEACH BY BRIAN LUKE LEEMAN

This past Saturday was July Fourth and I had a great Fourth Of  July!
 

My Girlfriend , her Mom ,  her Sister , and me went to Hampton Beach for the fourth ,  GOOD TIMES YA'LL !!!!!!!!!

We  left at 5:20 that July 4TH Morning  ( Hopefully i wasn't too much of a mr .grumpy pants , not a morning person lol  )  , the car was packed and we hit the road .

As we were driving to Hampton Beach , I felt a peace come over me , i knew i was going to enter a much needed time of rest .

We got there at 7 am , The view i came upon was just beautiful, God is a Beautiful Artist.

We got our chairs , blankets , umbrella's , and cooler all sent up for the day .

I went to go change into my swimwear and then went back down to the beach to meet back with everyone.

My girlfriend's sister wanted to go see the  artistic Sandcastles that people  made , so we walked to the boardwalk to check them out .
These Sandcastles were amazing !  My favorite was  the sand castle was the one that looked like someone was diving into the water .

After checking out the sandcastles , My Girlfriend and Me went for a walk on the shore of the beach .

Walking hand and hand with my Love, i felt like  I was in a dream , a dream did want to end .
  We were joking around as we walking along the shore , right then and there i knew I had my soul mate.
Her smile that day made my heart melt , i love her smile .

We headed back to our beach chairs  and ate some snacks .

Then My girlfriends sister , my girlfriend, and i went to window shop at the shops .

Then we got some food from the boardwalk  , i had some awesome garlic fires!

Then we went in to the ocean and boy , was it cold but refreshing !

We got food again , i had fried dough , not the best fried dough i have had .

Then we packed up the car and headed to a seafood place for dinner .
My stomach can't handle seafood , so i had chicken fingers and fries , it was pretty good.

We got back into the car and i fell asleep , which is weird cause i don't usually can't fall in a car.

We ended the with some ice cream , the best way to end a great day.

This day was one of the best days i have had in awhile , i wish it didn't have to end .


"There's nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline, no matter how many times it's sent away."
Sarah Kay
 

MY VIEW ON SUICIDE BY BRIAN LUKE LEEMAN

This probably one of most sensitive and controversial topic's I have blogged about , so i am warning you this blog post is going to be dark at times and might offend you.

We need to change the culture of this topic and make it OK to speak about mental health and suicide.-

Luke Richardson

Lately i have been thinking about this topic as i have lately been watching Robin Williams videos on youtube. So I thought i would share my thought's and experiences with suicide.  

Since I was eight years old I have dealt with severe deep depression  and it can pretty bad at times .
With dealing with severe deep depression , i have had thoughts of  committing suicide and i have attempted to commit suicide twice  .

 Now you might be asking yourself  why I or anybody want to die so badly ?

Well the first time i attempted to commit suicide was 9 .
What about to tell you is hard for me to talk about but i feel is necessary to talk about .

At age 5 I was molested by a family member for a year ,  So at 9 i started to have nightmares of being molested at age five .  So i started picking my scabs and cutting myself hoping i would die . I ended up in a psych ward for kids.  It helped for a awhile but didn't last long .
I didn't stop cutting myself until march 9th of this year.

The 2nd time I tried committing suicide was in   January of 2010 .
At this time i was six months sober and was having a hard time coping with the changes in my life .
I felt like I was drowning in my own sadness .  I also was having hard time sleeping and so my mom gave some sleeping medication to help me sleep. ( in no way does my mom have any responsibility for this 2nd attempt on suicide  )
So feeling like there was no point of livening anymore , I swallowed half the bottle .
I didn't die , an again i went to a psych ward again.  This time i knew i wanted to live because   i had people who loved me , God had a plan for my life, and suicide was not the answer .


We need to discuss suicide and stop shying away from this issue .
People you probably know have or are dealing with this issue , I ask you to reach out to the people if know they are dealing with this issue .

I hope have open the door for this topic to be further talked about .

WHAT IS SUCCESS? BY BRIAN LUKE LEEMAN

Lately i have been struggling with the question : I'm I, Brian Leeman,  a success?

For those who don't know , i am currently living a men's shelter , not by choice ,  just got screw over by some family members .

I have been there eight months and i  am stuck.

I have done everything i can to get out on my own and i have failed epically at it .

I have reached out to a social services program that has  a job program and it been over a month, nothing has happen .

I have called them  and they will get back to me , yeah right !

I am tired of putting myself out there asking for help and not getting the help i desperately need .

I just want to be independent  and  have my freedom.

In the shelter i have to deal with worrying if my stuff will be stolen , i can't keep food there more then a day because someone will steal it , and drunk people.

I have had recently had my stuff vomited on , luckily it was salvageable.

So people close tell me not to give up but how can you say that when you don't have to deal with the shit i deal with.

Don't get me wrong , i appreciate your support and love .

People say you are only 26 and  you have many years  ahead , but i don't want to wait anymore , am i sick of waiting !

i have been six years sober and i have to tell you , i could really use a drink.

I know cant because i have too hard to stay sober and i would let a lot of people down , but i still , i deserve a drink with the shit i have to do deal theses past 8 to 10 months .

I know life is not always fair but when i do i get a breakthrough ?

Well to answer the question is Brian leeman a success ? right now i personally can't say i am success .

So i hope you can read this with open mind and heart , an also try to see through my eyes of what i am struggling with.

Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure.

William Saroyan 

UNITY IS A MUST ! BY BRIAN LUKE LEEMAN

So for the past few weeks i have had the word unity on my mind .
I have been born again for almost six years , an i have noticed that there is  no unity in the church.
I give God thanks that i have found a Church recently that understands unity .
There so many disagreements in the Church That we have strayed from what God has called us to do: LOVE EACH OTHER AND REACH THE LOST !!!!!

1 Corinthians 12:12-14New International Version (NIV)

Unity and Diversity in the Body

12 Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. 13 For we were all baptized by[a] one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. 14 Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.  


I feel if we can let go of stupid stuff we are argue about and come together , we can reach more people who need Jesus.
Here are in my opinion , are  stuff we argue about that doesn't matter.

1.  Clothes /dress code 

This issue has plagued the church for years, an i am so over it !
 This disagreement  on what us as Christians what clothes we should wear has cause unnecessary division !  
Do i believe that are certain type of clothing  Christian men and women should not wear ? yes but it should not  matter if you are a Christian or not when it comes to Clothes ! Final Thought : We need to put this issue to bed !

2.  Music !

Music is another disagreement that has plagued the church. 
 More so lately with worship ,  Why does it matter if the worship team is the latest Worship song from Bethel  or a wo.rship song from the 1950's ?  I don't get why we can't have healthy balance of  both generation's .   The other disagreement us Christians havw when it comes to music , is listening to non Christian music.  Right now i am listening Shinedown's  cover of  lynyrd skynyrd's Simple man , to some Christian's this would be wrong of me to listen to because its not Christian.  Now i am not Judgeing people Who chose to listen to just Christian music, i just think its stupid on how this issue has caused division's between Christians.  Final thought : What Music we listen to , should between God that person ,  The Church has no right to try to condemn people who don't just listen to Christian music . an those who do listen to non Christian music should not make other Christian's feel like crap because they only listen to.


There are so many other issues that are causing unnecessary division in the church but i just wanted provide a couple examples to show if we let go of theses disagreements, we as a Church could be united and be what are called to be.

Theses are just are my thoughts , i hope have stirred up some convos with this post.


"To a true child of God, the invisible bond that unites all believers to Christ is far more tender, and lasting, and precious; and, as we come to recognize and realize that we are all dwelling in one sphere of life in Him, we learn to look on every believer as our brother, in a sense that is infinitely higher than all human relationships. This is the one and only way to bring disciples permanently together. All other plans for promoting the unity of the Church have failed." 

- A.T. Pierson

The Boy That Just Wanted To Be Heard By Brian Luke Leeman

Here is the tale of a Boy who feels his voice never been heard or acknowledged .



There is a boy called  Shortstop  who live in a small town in Maine , who just wants to be heard .

Shortstop is quiet 10 year old  fifth grader who lives with his mom , dad , and his two younger twin sisters.

Shortstops sister's take up much of his mom and dad's time because they are autistic , so Shortstop sometimes felt like he was ignored at times because his sisters needed more of his mom and dad's attention.

      The kids at Shortstop's school pick on him because he is a slow learner and stutters his words.

 One day  Shortstop comes home from school and see's a note on a the dinner table .

It's form his mom and the note says : " Hunny , your Dad  , your sisters , an I are going to be late coming home form your sisters doctors appointments .  Grab yourself a snack and do your homework, love ,mom.

Shortstop thinks to himself , " Great, i just had a really bad day and i could use one of my moms big hugs. But my sisters have to all her attention, spoiled brats!!! " .

Shortstop goes to his rom and starts on his home work , his homework is to write short essay on how he see's himself.

This is what he wrote :


" How do i see me ?  that is pretty easy to answer .

I see myself as nerd who nobody notices at all .

I see my self as a  fatty who run as fast the other kids.

I see myself as a dummy who sucks at math and all my other classes.

Finally i see myself as  someone who's voice will never be heard and presence will never be acknowledged. "


Shortstop's hears his family coming home , he runs downstairs hoping that his   family will put a smile on his face.

Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person they are almost indistinguishable.

- David Augsburger

DEAR MOM

DEAR MOM,

Mom,I wanted to dedicate this blog post to you.

Mothers day is coming up , i wanted to do something that money can't bye and show how much i love you.

so i am writing you this letter to express my love and thankfulness for you.

Mom, when i ever needed someone to cry on , talk to , or just have a laugh with somebody, you have been with me.

Even with all the bull crap i put you through , you never stopped being there for me.

Your relationship with Jesus has encouraged me.

Your relationship with Dad has taught me how to treat and love Lydia  they she deserves to be treated .

  Your servant heart has taught to take joy in serving others.

You have taught me to best foot forward even when i feel like giving up .

The way you have been there for Dad having dementia , has amazed me and i thank you for your dedication to Dad .

You have taught me even when treat me badly , love them back.

In closing, there is no way i could pa you back for you have done for you but i hope this letter shows how much i love you mom.  

Love your son.

Brian Luke Leeman

PS. Here is quote and a song that shows how much i love you :

 Mothers hold their children's hands for a short while, but their hearts forever. - Unknown

     

BEING VULNERABLE BY BRIAN LUKE LEEMAN

The strongest love is the love that can demonstrate its fragility.

Paulo Coelho
Eleven Minutes


We all need somebody to talk to. It would be good if we talked. . . not just pitter-patter, but real talk.  We shouldn't be so afraid, because most people really like this contact; that you show you are vulnerable makes them free to be vulnerable.

Liv Ullman


Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our
lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly
as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences
that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to
explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.

Brené Brown

The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines Vulnerable  as : 

1

:  capable of being physically or emotionally wounded

2

:  open to attack or damage :  assailable <vulnerable to criticism>  

Being vulnerable to the people we are most close and those we are not can be  straight up scary .

On Facebook yesterday I decided i needed to be vulnerable and clear some stuff up, so i posted what was going on with me .

I have been vulnerable on FB and have Got back negative feedback,  but  guess what ?

I got plenty of positive feedback !!!!

Now it could have went south and  got the crap criticized out of me.

With being vulnerable or showing vulnerability it can be 50/50 , you never what response you will get.

But you know what ?  it is okay if we don't get the response we want when are being vulnerable .

An ask why it s okay ? because  we will never know  who to trust or not trust .

Will it hurt ? yes! but thats life , you can't shut the world out all the time , No growth comes out of it .

I also believe that when you are being vulnerable that you should not be seeking a response all the time , it is healthy to vent sometimes.

I now more then ever believe that  we need to be real with ourselves and create a community of being vulnerable with each other  within a safe environment.

In closing,  Being   Vulnerable  can be scary but it can be also be very healing .

A LETTER TO MY FELLOW BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN CHRIST

So this week I have some thoughts i have been thinking about , so i thought it would be good that i write a letter to my Brothers and Sisters in Christ .

Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ ,

There are  THREE topics I  would like to discuss with you and topics I think are important.

1.   WE NEED TO STOP THE DIVISION IN THE CHURCH

We have for too long put theology before The Gospel and The Message Of Gods Grace.

Not saying doctrine and all that other jazz is not important but it should not take place of The True Message of Jesus.

We  need to stop tearing each other down because we don't agree on the same doctrines   

I just want to see us come together and be positive vessels for The Kingdom.

2.  LETS PRAY FOR THE PRESIDENT INSTEAD OF BASHING HIM

I don't agree with everything that our president has done , said , or believes but i refuse to bash him.

Romans 3:23-24New International Version (NIV)

23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, 24 and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

The President is same as us , he is a sinner that God wants to love on and forgive !

We have all sin  but Because Of God sacrificing his Son Jesus , we can have freedom!

I do believe One day out President will give his heart to Jesus.

So lets pray for our President and instead of bashing him likes its out job to .

So i hope you consider my thoughts and ponder the them .

love,

Brian Leeman   

LET YOUR PAST DIE ! BY BRIAN LUKE LEEMAN

So we all probably have a past or things in our past we are not proud of , right ?

An we have all let our past one point  let the past control our present , right ?

Well guess what ?  IT IS TIME TO LET YOUR PAST DIE !!!!

Isaiah 43:18-19New International Version (NIV)

18 “Forget the former things;
    do not dwell on the past.
19 See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness

    and streams in the wasteland.


The first  year of being sober and being Born Again , i struggled with letting go of my past and understanding that God no longer sees my past and has forgiven me  .

I use to sell drugs  and i did not care who i sold it to.

Those first  year i would constantly beat myself up because i felt like i needed to punished for selling drugs to people ,

But one day as i was spending time with God in Prayer , God spoke to my heart and said : LET IT GO!

I balled my eyes that day and  just let go of my past  .

I came to understanding that day that Jesus Died for sins, which means that my past is dead !!!!!

I choose to live in the freedom  and to live in the plans that God has for my life !


“Our past can control today and tomorrow only to the degree we allow it. The past should not be a place where we dwell but a place from which we learn all we can and then move on.” 
― Sue Augustine, When Your Past Is Hurting Your Present

BRIAN'S TOP FIVE FAVORITE FUNNY SKETCHES !

So if you don't know i like to laugh and i love sketch comedy.

So i thought it would be cool to share my top FIVE favorite comedy sketches, ENJOY!!!


5. Young Jimmy Fallon and Young Justin Timberlake at sleep away camp


Jimmy fallon has brought SNL swag to the Tonight Show and has become a viral sensation on  youTube.   This sketch is so one of the greatest sketches from a late night talk show .  Enjoy!

4. Stuart and the Tooth Fariy

MadTv  is one of my favorite sketch comedy shows and my favorite character's   from MadtV is Stuart.  This is my favorite stuart sketch . Enjoy!

3. Mike tyson on a dating show 

This one of my favorite Living in color Sketches .

Ivory Keean Waynes plays a great mike tyson  and jim Carey  plays a great dick clark

2.  Down by The Rivvvver!!!!!!

This has to Chris Farleys best Snl Sketch ever!!!!!

This is the Sketch that made me fall in love with SNL!

1. Drunk Uncle 

This is another great sketch From SNL.

this  is in my top ten favorite Snl Sketches 

IN PROCESS BY BRIAN LUKE LEEMAN

So i want to in the post share some breakthroughs i have had  recently and what is going on with me .

Last Sunday  i knew i had to go to church , something inside me was saying that i needed to be in church .

It started  during worship with Mark ( the leader of my church ) side hugging me an saying " you are not a orphan and you are loved ".  

That stirred my heart up and i  just let my worries go during worship an felt i was being held .

I knew it was  God holding me and letting me know that i am loved .

Then at the end of service they did this prayer tunnel thing ( basically the elders of church prayed for me and gave me words of knowledge), i felt so encouraged  and i have not been the same since .

I have had this unexplainable   joy in soul , i feel like things are going to get better sooner or later.

God reminded of a proverb and a psalm : 

Proverbs 3:5-6New International Version (NIV)

5 Trust in the Lord with all your HEART
    and lean not on YOUR OWN understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,

    and he will MAKE YOUR paths straight.[a]

Psalm 121 New International Version (NIV)

Psalm 121

A song of ascents.

1 I lift up my eyes to THE MOUNTAINS—
    where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
    the MAKER of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your FOOT slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 INDEED, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
6 THE SUN will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.

7 The Lord will keep you from all harm—
    he will watch over your life;
8 the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

One thing I struggle with is trusting in God with my life , every thing !

But i am start to realize that i can't not make it through this tough season with out God's strength and guidance ,  WHICH MEANS I AM NOT ALONE !!!!!!

So right  i am going thorough a   process of learning to put my full trust in God and that i am loved .

So i ask that you keep me in your prayers  while i am on this journey.


An lastly .....................................................................................................................................

DON'T GIVE UP !, IT WILL GET BETTER!  

WHEN IT RAIN'S , IT POUR'S BY BRIAN LUKE LEEMAN

I look out my bedroom window and i watch the rain drops come down heavily , how the hell did end in this crap hole  ?

I have been living in a men's shelter for almost six months and i have not been able to move forward as fast i should be.

I apply for jobs like crazy , call places like crazy, listen and act  on peoples advice on finding , an i am getting no were!!!!!!!!

Right i am going to see if  maddock family services can help me , not putting to much hope in that .

You might be asking why i have such a negative attitude about my situation,  BECAUSE THIS WHOLE SITUATION IS BS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And as a Christian i am suppose to put on a fake smile  and say the thank you God for this rough season because to make me a better person ? HOW THE HELL DOES THAT MAKE SENSE ?!?!

I am mentally tired and tired of putting on a  mask that says  i'm okay, when i am not .

I feel like i have a storm cloud over that sun can not break through  .

I just want to be successful but i am realizing that might just be a dream , which frightens me.

Its like i am in a pit an there is a rope but i can't reach it to get out .


So in closing i leave with this qoute , " My mind is a mess and my heart is a wreck " -

Backseat Goodbye – So Long, You Were Right

ENGAGING THE CULTURE !!! BY BRIAN LUKE LEEMAN

This Sunday at church i was inspired by message shared by a leader in our church.

He talked about engaging the different cultures and not staying in our christian bubble .

The message made ask myself i am reaching/engaging cultures other then my own?

Well i guess i am , with living in a  men's shelter   i have come in contact with different backgrounds i am been in before and ones i have not .

 I thank God for giving me the blessing of being able to understand were the guys are at in life, cause all theses guys need is somebody to listen to them.

So in this blog entry i want to talk about engaging the culture .

Mark 2:15-17New International Version (NIV)

15 While Jesus was having dinner at Levi’s house, many tax collectors and sinners were eating with him and his disciples, for there were many who followed him. 16 When the teachers of the law who were Pharisees saw him eating with the sinners and tax collectors, they asked his disciples: “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?”

17 On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

Jesus came for everybody  not just a certain group of people .

Jesus came for the broken , the poor, the rich,  the sick , he came for everybody!!!!!!!!!!!

WE as Christians need to get out of our comfort  zone and reach other cultures we are not use to.

For example, the Gay community, though  don't agree with there lifestyle choice or gay marriage , does not mean we should not try to reach them and show them God's love .

  I think we need to find a way to reach them without bashing and making them feel like dirt .

Another example, the homeless, there are a lot of stereotypes about the homeless , some true and some not .  they are broken people who need hope .

We to show them that there is light at the end of tunnel and that Jesus loves  them.

Ways you can help the homeless : 1. Volunteer at soup kitchen .    2.  donate blankets .  3.  give gift cards 4.  be kind 

My challenge for you this week is to engage someone from a different walk of life then yours and just listen to them .