Were Do I Go Next?

Before  you read this, i ask  you to read this with a loving heart and not a condemning heart .
 

For those don't know  i struggle with depression and bi polar disorder , lately its been tough.
 For those who don't what Bi polar is , here is some info.   Bipolar disorder, with its extreme mood swings from depression to mania, used to be called manic depressive disorder. Bipolar disorder is very serious and can cause risky behavior, even suicidal tendencies.- WebMD.com

Now i am not suicidal  but i have been going from really happy to  really sad. 

I wonder sometimes if i should go back on medication but I am afraid that with my past of being addicting to drugs that i will  get addicting to the medication. Plus i don't have insurance, so i don't have a option to seek medication.   Theres a big part of me does not want to go back on meds because i don't to become a drugged up walking zombie .    an the other thing is i feel if i went back on meds , i would be saying i don't trust God.

So you are probably wondering what i am so depressed  about, well sometimes i just don't know .

But what has been bothering  is that i feel like i am stuck . I am 24 , i have no job , and everything i do  seems to fail. an the weird thing is i know  i am not a failure!   I just want to be a man that my friends and family can be proud of .   I feel like have become a burden  to the ones who care and love me. 

The only that  helps me hold on is God, prayer, the Bible  , friends , and my family .    

I firmly believe God has a plan for me like its says Jeremiah 29:11, so i know i have future but i wish things would start happing for me because i have done all i can.

For thoses took time to read this and read it with understanding , thank you .

An to those who think  i am whining and complaining , forget you !  I know there whole lot of people who have it worse then me. so don't waste your breathe trying to make feel worse !