Tuesday, June 16, 2015

WHAT IS SUCCESS? BY BRIAN LUKE LEEMAN

Lately i have been struggling with the question : I'm I, Brian Leeman,  a success?

For those who don't know , i am currently living a men's shelter , not by choice ,  just got screw over by some family members .

I have been there eight months and i  am stuck.

I have done everything i can to get out on my own and i have failed epically at it .

I have reached out to a social services program that has  a job program and it been over a month, nothing has happen .

I have called them  and they will get back to me , yeah right !

I am tired of putting myself out there asking for help and not getting the help i desperately need .

I just want to be independent  and  have my freedom.

In the shelter i have to deal with worrying if my stuff will be stolen , i can't keep food there more then a day because someone will steal it , and drunk people.

I have had recently had my stuff vomited on , luckily it was salvageable.

So people close tell me not to give up but how can you say that when you don't have to deal with the shit i deal with.

Don't get me wrong , i appreciate your support and love .

People say you are only 26 and  you have many years  ahead , but i don't want to wait anymore , am i sick of waiting !

i have been six years sober and i have to tell you , i could really use a drink.

I know cant because i have too hard to stay sober and i would let a lot of people down , but i still , i deserve a drink with the shit i have to do deal theses past 8 to 10 months .

I know life is not always fair but when i do i get a breakthrough ?

Well to answer the question is Brian leeman a success ? right now i personally can't say i am success .

So i hope you can read this with open mind and heart , an also try to see through my eyes of what i am struggling with.

Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure.
William Saroyan 

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