My presonal demon by brian luke leeman

2014 has been a emotional  and mentally draining year for me , so today i need to to vent and  release the some the sadness and pain inside me .
I know some people are going to say this is not the place for this but i need to do this so i can get better.
So i warning you now , read at own risk  ( some strong language) 

So what i have been dealing with this year is what happen to me at the age of five .

At five years old i was molested  by a family member for a whole year .

Until i was   13 i thought happen to me was normal , when i realized that i had been molested , it turned my world upside down.

I went through counseling but it has never helped me   , so drugs , alcohol  , and cutting myself  were my way of dealing with the pain and the haunting memories .

I have been sober for five years by the grace of God and  i have not cut in 6 months .

Lately  i have been having nightmares of being molested  almost every night , i have only had one night without a nightmare .

 I have this deep sadness that i can't escape from , i want to cry but nothing comes out .

I pray to God every day for relief from this pain but i am not sure if he hears me anymore .

I just want to be done with this pain , i don't deal with this shit anymore !!!!!!!!!

When i look in the mirror i see  a broken man  that just wants to be happy.

I need to deal with this because  1.  for me , i just need to be done with this  and 2. i have a girlfriend  , i plan  on marrying and need to get better for her .

So in closing , i hope i have not offended   anyone , i just needed to vent .

And my scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel- Scars by Papa Roach